I just finished reading By Searching, by Isobel Kuhn, missionary to China with Hudson Taylor and the China Inland Mission. The story of her conversion and progression through Christian life and into the mission field was phenomenal, with lots of practical application. The following paragraphs are her writings (broken up by my narration) taken from various places throughout the book.
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Raised in a Christian home, I called myself an agnostic--I frankly did not know if there was a God or not. Amidst the group at the university I was considered a good girl, and even a Christian! But I myself knew that I wasn't. My father was my greatest comfort. He knew enough to be silent and just love me. One night he knelt down beside my bed and prayed God to help me, but it only irritated me. "Thanks Dad," I said. "I know you mean it well, but praying doesn't go beyond the ceiling, you know." Then came the Tempter. I didn't want to live and I couldn't die! "God, if there be a God," I whispered, for I was not going to believe in what did not exist just to get a mental opiate, "if You will prove to me that you are, and if You will give me peace, I will give You my whole life. I'll do anything You ask me to do, go where You send me, obey You all my days." And now began a life at two levels: an outer level of study, wordly gaiety and pride, and an inner level of watching, seeking after God.
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A few years later, and as a true Christian, rather than a masquerading agnostic, Isobel's story continues with her call to the mission field.
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It was not a question of if I wanted to go or not--I was no longer my own. At the time I had no clear indication that it was the foreign field He wanted. I was willing, if it were, to go. When a friend lent me a book called The Growth of a Soul, she had no idea that for many years Dr and Mrs Isaac Page had been secretly praying the God would lay His hand on me for missionary service in China. She did know, however, that in the life story of Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, were experiences of searching for God and proving Him which were parallel to some through which I was now passing. It was while reading the second volume, The Growth of a Word of God, that I felt a call to the mission field. My decision to apply to the China Inland Mission had been made. In seeking advice from J. O. Fraser, of CIM, he cautioned me "In prayer resist the devil, always remembering to be kind to those who are unconsciously his tools at the moment." He knew I would meet with opposition along the way.
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Isobel's opposition came in many ways. One was in the form of choosing an institution for schooling, especially since she had almost no money for mission education. A friend, who had offered to support Isobel through the first year of school, chose Moody Bible Institute in Chicago as the place for mission training. Once through her first year, Isobel would then have to pay her own way for the remainder of her education. This was difficult at times, juggling her studies with working two jobs and participating in city outreaches and various other campus ministries. Through the help of anonymous gifts, other known donors, and even the provision of a dress for graduation, Isobel made it through the time at Moody. Her last and perhaps greatest trials were the death of her mother and near-death injury of her father, shortly before leaving for China. After all of these trials, Isobel was considered ready for the field in China. Here she reflects on what she had learned before being sent out.
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Up to this point I have discovered that God is, and that He is mine by the mediatorship of Christ. I have discovered that He can and will teach me His way, or His plan for my life. I have found that He can overcome obstacles and that we do not need to arouse a great hullabaloo to get Him to do so. Hudson Taylor was right in his discovery: "Learn to move man, through God, by prayer alone." I later learned from A.W. Tozer that "We must invite the Cross to do its deadly work within us. We must bring our self-sins to the Cross of judgment." The search is not ended. We have only begun to explore our eternal, unfathomable God. "Let us leave behind the elementary teaching about Christ and go forward to adult understanding. Let us not lay over and over again the foundation truths...No, if God allows, let us go on," paraphrases Phillips.
On October 11, 1928, I sailed for China. There was quite a large party of us. The ship was due to pull out about noon, and some friends of mine forsook their lunch and flocked down to the wharf. They made such a crowd that a stranger asked my brother, "Who is the girl who is getting this send-off?" Just an unknown missionary going out for the first time, was certainly not the answer expected. But God can give special things to His unknown children when He wants to. "Lord," I whispered, "give me a last word they won't forget." A loud voice could still reach the wharf. I leaned over the side and called out "Let us go on!" The light of heaven broke through the tears of earth on some faces, so I knew they had heard. And now, as reader and author part, I can find no better words to use than these same, "Let us go on." Go on searching and exploring the greatness and the dearness of our God. Said Susanna Wesley, "He is so infinitely blessed, that every perception of His blissful presence imparts a gladness to the heart. Every degree of approach to Him is, in the same proportion, a degree of happiness." So--let us go on--searching.
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Raised in a Christian home, I called myself an agnostic--I frankly did not know if there was a God or not. Amidst the group at the university I was considered a good girl, and even a Christian! But I myself knew that I wasn't. My father was my greatest comfort. He knew enough to be silent and just love me. One night he knelt down beside my bed and prayed God to help me, but it only irritated me. "Thanks Dad," I said. "I know you mean it well, but praying doesn't go beyond the ceiling, you know." Then came the Tempter. I didn't want to live and I couldn't die! "God, if there be a God," I whispered, for I was not going to believe in what did not exist just to get a mental opiate, "if You will prove to me that you are, and if You will give me peace, I will give You my whole life. I'll do anything You ask me to do, go where You send me, obey You all my days." And now began a life at two levels: an outer level of study, wordly gaiety and pride, and an inner level of watching, seeking after God.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few years later, and as a true Christian, rather than a masquerading agnostic, Isobel's story continues with her call to the mission field.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was not a question of if I wanted to go or not--I was no longer my own. At the time I had no clear indication that it was the foreign field He wanted. I was willing, if it were, to go. When a friend lent me a book called The Growth of a Soul, she had no idea that for many years Dr and Mrs Isaac Page had been secretly praying the God would lay His hand on me for missionary service in China. She did know, however, that in the life story of Hudson Taylor, founder of the China Inland Mission, were experiences of searching for God and proving Him which were parallel to some through which I was now passing. It was while reading the second volume, The Growth of a Word of God, that I felt a call to the mission field. My decision to apply to the China Inland Mission had been made. In seeking advice from J. O. Fraser, of CIM, he cautioned me "In prayer resist the devil, always remembering to be kind to those who are unconsciously his tools at the moment." He knew I would meet with opposition along the way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Isobel's opposition came in many ways. One was in the form of choosing an institution for schooling, especially since she had almost no money for mission education. A friend, who had offered to support Isobel through the first year of school, chose Moody Bible Institute in Chicago as the place for mission training. Once through her first year, Isobel would then have to pay her own way for the remainder of her education. This was difficult at times, juggling her studies with working two jobs and participating in city outreaches and various other campus ministries. Through the help of anonymous gifts, other known donors, and even the provision of a dress for graduation, Isobel made it through the time at Moody. Her last and perhaps greatest trials were the death of her mother and near-death injury of her father, shortly before leaving for China. After all of these trials, Isobel was considered ready for the field in China. Here she reflects on what she had learned before being sent out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Up to this point I have discovered that God is, and that He is mine by the mediatorship of Christ. I have discovered that He can and will teach me His way, or His plan for my life. I have found that He can overcome obstacles and that we do not need to arouse a great hullabaloo to get Him to do so. Hudson Taylor was right in his discovery: "Learn to move man, through God, by prayer alone." I later learned from A.W. Tozer that "We must invite the Cross to do its deadly work within us. We must bring our self-sins to the Cross of judgment." The search is not ended. We have only begun to explore our eternal, unfathomable God. "Let us leave behind the elementary teaching about Christ and go forward to adult understanding. Let us not lay over and over again the foundation truths...No, if God allows, let us go on," paraphrases Phillips.
On October 11, 1928, I sailed for China. There was quite a large party of us. The ship was due to pull out about noon, and some friends of mine forsook their lunch and flocked down to the wharf. They made such a crowd that a stranger asked my brother, "Who is the girl who is getting this send-off?" Just an unknown missionary going out for the first time, was certainly not the answer expected. But God can give special things to His unknown children when He wants to. "Lord," I whispered, "give me a last word they won't forget." A loud voice could still reach the wharf. I leaned over the side and called out "Let us go on!" The light of heaven broke through the tears of earth on some faces, so I knew they had heard. And now, as reader and author part, I can find no better words to use than these same, "Let us go on." Go on searching and exploring the greatness and the dearness of our God. Said Susanna Wesley, "He is so infinitely blessed, that every perception of His blissful presence imparts a gladness to the heart. Every degree of approach to Him is, in the same proportion, a degree of happiness." So--let us go on--searching.
1 comment:
I read this earlier this summer and really enjoyed it.
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