Jesus Only

This is an account from Dr. Helen Roseveare's book "He Gave Us A Valley," in which she is talking about preparing to leave Africa and retire from over-seas mission work. She is speaking of her pride in her own accomplishments and the rebuke she received from the Lord that renewed her perspective and reminded her that the work was not hers, but His.

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"There was an overwhelming sense of privilege, that Almighty God should stoop to ask of me, a mere nobody in a forest clearing in the jungles of Africa, something He needed. They had called Him 'a worm, no man.' I said I wanted to be identified with Him, yet did I really want to be a worm, trodden on, spurned, ignored? No! Yet this was the privilege He offered, the privilege of being a missionary, His ambassador, identified with Him among those whom He wanted to serve. 'You went home and told everyone that I was sufficient at that moment, in those circumstances. Isn't this true now, in today's circumstances?'

I tried to say: 'But of course, Lord. You know it's true.' 'No,' He quietly rebuked me. 'No. You no longer want Jesus only, but Jesus plus...plus respect, popularity, public opinion, success, and pride. You wanted to go out with all the trumpets blaring, from a farewell-do that you organized for yourself: with photographs and tape-recordings to show and play at home, just to reveal what you had achieved. You wanted to feel needed and respected. You wanted the other missionaries to be worried about how ever they'll carry on after you've gone. You'd like letters when you got home to tell you how much they realize they owe to you, how much they miss you. All this and more. Jesus plus...No, you can't have it. Either it must be "Jesus only" or you'll find you've no Jesus.' A great long silence followed--several days of total inner silence. At last I managed to tell Him that with all my heart I wanted 'Jesus only.'